Hala.....its been a month now.
sheesh...havnt explained to the bloggin world im logged on to another one. IM me to know the other blogspot...hahahaha...it has tons in it.
at hoi....josh...chicken...
dang, i miss you guys.
losing my grip. [4:06 PM]
You are lifes clandestine. I know I have seen you before in my dreams. A gut feeling that Ive seen you yet veiled upon waking to reality and desperately trying to remember the meaning of beauty in your eyes. Ive seen you in unexpected seconds of life. Ive seen glimpses of you in a smile, or in the warmth of an embrace or in a bliss of a kiss. Ive seen you in the momentary euphoria of love. Ive seen you in the serene scene of dawn, in the clouds that seem to form your face and in the grace of sparrows in flight. Ive seen you in parts and traits of other people yet none can compare to you. I know of your light that radiates from the clouds of obscurity of having not known you. Yes, you are nameless but deep inside I know I called you Mine. You are typical, you are ideal, you are perfection. You are my treasure whom I seek and the whole universe conspires in helping me find you. Guided by the One supreme, I wait in the assurance of the existence of your love. See the wind that brings me the sweet scent of your perfume and the birds that sing of your voice. Hear the sun, bellowing with its heat of your warmth and the tranquil seas that brings tidings of your glamour. See the rain that tells me of your sadness, the sky that reflects your mood, see that shooting star rejoicing in your success.I cry not of despair, for it is written that we shall cross times boundaries and meet. I look forward to that day when I shall be complete.
losing my grip. [5:21 PM]
oh glee oh bliss oh rain oh lovely day....
woot...dont i just love this keyboard. oh well.
im starting to make mc donalds at the university gate my official tambayan. from seeing crushes from the second floor to laughing out loud with marge and making new friends with ate glo'c contacts....oh glee oh bliss oh rain oh better day. and mc flurry.....
tip: a way to my heart is mc flurry with cappucino and m&m's. and if your looking for me on my free sked: try mcdo else if im not there try barracks internet cafe (i.c) or insight i.c.
oh glee oh bliss, its 5 days to my bday and i still hvnt plans for any kind of celebration. i wanted to sponser a felloship or something with NAVS but..hmm...i suddenly lost my excitement to conduct such an activity. administrative reasons.argh. but oh glee oh bliss, il think of something to make it MY DAY. y hear? MY DAY!!!! anyways, i speed read "The Alchemist" the second time around last friday. hehehe....and it never failed to get me thinking about stuff. and what better way to splurge thoughts and emotions then over mc flurry with baby hazel.
actually i "borrowed" (tagalog translation: INARBOR) the book from her which she was almost thru with. hehehehe...nevertheless we did engage in a delightful discussion over several concepts, symbology and looking at the book in a perspective other than worldly. lol. so topics: love, christianity, JC, bible studies, how to lead one, the em powerment of the Holy Spirit.hahahaha....trust me it was light in a manner that we talked about it in relationship to the book. astig dba? well, moreover, the book lead me to write this article which discuss the soveriegnity of God over love and destiny in which guided by him "the whole universe conspires" to grant us TRUE LOVE. tralalala...oh glee oh bliss...i love this keyboard.
losing my grip. [4:42 PM]
i suck. totally. im losing my slef respect and being a bum and uberly lazy at school. countless absences, missed quizzes, mediocre exam results, 1 failed exam, a overdue manuscript draft and this disposition that i cannot simply understand. lack of inspiration would be the best excuse. haay.
the only good news is i got to read HP6 a week after it started selling in the phils and glee and evil at being a spoiler to tons and tons of HP fans. haay...
and i got a 97 percentile in the Natl Meds Ad Test (NMAT) SIMULATION by Brains. sheesh.hehehehe. yabang. oh well. i need to improve in these areas (with respective percentiles): perceptual acuity (7), verbal (85), chemistry (88), sociology (77)_ and physics (89). I got 99 in bio and inductive reasoning and a 98 in quantitative ability.hehehe.
oh well, we'll leave that for the review center to work.
what i really need to get working on is my manuscript of my thesis. i mean everything is just there. i simply need to have the mood to start writing for a aug 15 deadline. (i know its already the 16th...lol....) haaay... and i simply lack the mood for studying as well..
haay ewan ko ba.
losing my grip. [10:01 AM]
i slowly weather away to nothingness. to exist in meaningless. to find meaning in nonexistence. i walk in a blur of time, unseen, unfelt... i slowly fade into the rushing crowd. without goodbyes, noone has to notice. She'll simply forget. a long forgotten stain in the near white canvas of her life. i slowly drown myself..there'll be no reason for hapiness now. im dead in life, a spirit trapped in the physical world bound by lungs that still breath and a cold heart that stubbornly beats. i slowly dissolve in space. with a hope that faintly echoes "i love you, i love you...still."
losing my grip. [9:38 AM]
12:44am
she looked at me above the rim of her glasses and smiled. God, i still cant get that out of my head.
its late and this night's memories are drowing me in a cocktail of emotions - bitter, remorse, accomplished, estatic, loved, unloved, vanilla, strawberries, calm and confused -on the rocks at that, shaken not stirred. Goodness knows how fickle my hypothalamus will ever get, at this rate, im bound for insanity.
sigh
just when i thought i found myself in the serenity of still waters. you happened, you rocked the boat, capsizing me into its cold depths. i swear i was superman, but you were kryptonite.
im guilty. verdict as you might but this is my confession.
to the success of my accomplishments, shall i think twice about what inspires me to work my best. to a Higher Glory has all been laid for yet you were my idol. you drove me out of my way, to do and to much extent things i would not have done. you were patience in fustration, hope in desperation, light in darkness, inspiration in sadden spirits. it was all about you.
scream.
no. i dedicate my success to Him, to the One who deserves all glory, thats how i want it to be. oh Lord, why do You blind me from Your blessings in disguise. Are you, as i believe, my strength and my source of all inspiration. Can i not see you in her smile. oh Lord, verdict. You knowmy heart and its mysteries. how far shall can i be inspired by such a smile you have graciously given me.
fall not for the gift but the Giver. Verdict! prove me wrong....
for i know my plea - Guilty.
6:30 am.
i woke up mistaking my pillow for you. and i feel bitter now. with last night's spirited emotions slowly dissolving in its space, i find myself left with bitterness. like a carbonated soda left out....im not as strong as i was.
you are the epitomy of it. The embodiment of sorts, of fustration and angst bottled up. and i am just but a notch away from exploding.
alas! woe to me who dwells in the moments of bliss. I can reminisce every detail of each encounter and recall when we part, you leave me happy with a smile from ear to ear. oh smile for me, at my misbehavings, funnyless jokes and irritating teases. for each time you do, you fill up a small part of the void that was once left shattered. you are remedy, a drug...im getting addicted.
those times, we shared one passion, which made me feel alot more closer to you that i ought to feel. i guess, ever more that you feel close to me. such closeness has made me look forward to what we have prepared and the day when we shall laugh all the hard times in the midst of our accomplishment. and i looked to that day when ill sit with you, smile and say thank you for being an inspiration.
as swift as all came to pass, you did not sit besides me in the lights of our success. but rather, i saw you swept away by some rogue knight while i sat the clown jester entertaining those who need to be entertained. and the lights were dim to my eyes. and i found no significance to my fortunes.
i looked through emerald eyes that gleamed with intense...
pause...
im not jealous, i never can be.....
sometime in the morning
i caught your smile like a flower catching the first rays of sunlight after a winter storm. you were my morning's coffee -bitter yet sweat, aromatic, addictive. i know i wouldnt have started the day right without you.
11:32 am
curse me. sometimes i go overboard. a desperation to be understood. for reasons uncertain, i find myself trusting. i feel scared.
3:37 pm at this internet cafe.
oh shit, my classmate texted me...i damn forgot to measure something. lol. im having lots on my mind lately.
losing my grip. [3:37 PM]
phew...be really busy this sem. heres meh sked:
(dang this pc doesnt have excel....)
so ill just list by subjects:
a total of 19 units dang.
Microbiology 130 - Microbial genetics (4 units)
2 units lecture, 2 hours a week, MW: 8:00-9:00am.
2 units laboratory, 6 hours a week, MW: 1:00-4:00pm.
ole...genetics, microbial at that. itl be fun, i hope. prof is Dr Cruz who actually lives in the same compund, just next door really... not that il be hopping over with goodies asking for tutorials and good grades. i hate being a teacher's pet. but she knows me...and knows my dad...and knows what to expect from me...gulp...oh well, that'll be the earliest class for mon and wed...better than a 7am class.ahihihihi.
i also sit next to j-LO, the only friend left who doesnt trade me for his organization...hehehe. love that guy (gay?)...sad thing that mcb130 lec and bio199a are the only subjects i get to see him in. it would have been cool to be doing laboratory exercises with this dude.tte.
laboratory. we meet twice a week. dang. i hate 2 unit lab works. atleast its not 6 hours straight.lol. the instructor, who the class knows as maam jem...is so pretty. God, i love her smile...i could just stare at ther the whole time and pretend not to listen...lol...which will prove itself detrimental to class standings someday.hahaha.
ill be leading the class for exercise 3...which involves...um..dang i forgot. oh well. i do know i few of my classmates but none i feel like tatling with. i rather remain quite when nothing is to be done and stare. otherwise, i keep myself busy with calculating media components, making stock solutions and weighing.....
Microbiology 150 - Microbial Ecology (3 units)
2 units lecture, 2 hours a week, MW: 11:00am-12:00nn.
1 unit laboratory, 3 hours a week, Thurs: 10:00am-1:00pm.
2 things i wont like about this subject:
1.) it conflicts with my desires to eat on times when i feel like eating.
2.) it has to be both (the lectures and laboratory) by Sir NG Sabino, whose teaching styles im not familiar with and as of, this first 2 weeks, i dont like.
atleast we get 2 field trips, and im quite excited.
classmate ko si joni sa lec at sa lab.old classmate back in highschool. also my groupmate in the lab. who i happen to be(well, i always usually end up as) group leader. first exercise...damn, where the heck will i find non-acidic soil? look for anysoil, determine pH, add NaOH? lol. lecture class also requires me to report on extreme osmotic concentration environments. oh boy, Heliobacteria here i come.
Biology 199a- Undergraduate Seminar (1 unit)
1 units lecture, 1 hour a week, M: 4-5pm.
right after my mcb130 lab...baah....makes monday totally loaded. prof is no other than my beloved adviser. haay...well usually, in this class if you are under the thesis program you usually conduct a seminar on your thesis. luckily, being maam's advisee...i get to be first. grabe. july 18 will be the lucky day....passing grade would be 80%. sheesh. fortunately, i already have the power presentation i used for my report back in AVRDC. i bit of additional info and defintion of terms and viola....
kklase ko ulit si J.Lo..hahahaha. the rest of the class got to draw lots...imagine! they drew lots...xept me. but J.Lo got #2 out of the lot.lol.
Philosophy 1 (3 units)
3 units lecture, 3 hours a week, TTH: 7:00-8:30am.
waah...a seven am class. sheesh! havnt have any formal class since last week coz according to the secretary of the humanities dept, our instructor is new and his papers/appointment hasnt been processed entirely. maybe this thursday.we hopefully will be starting.
Science and Technology S (?) 1 (3 units)
3 units lecture, 3 hours a week, TTH: 2:30-4:oopm.
o lala...was absent for the first week so..hahaha. coz i was lazy and i thought nothing else aside from class policies would have been discussed. so i havent been briefed with the subject. according to some of my friends, there was formal lecture last thursday.damn. i hope maam Goss wouldnt be my prof. shes ulti nice but...treats me like her pet.hahahaha.
anyways, later at 2:30, ill know.
Statistics 162 - Experimental Designs (3 units)
2 units lecture, 2 hours a week, TTH: 4:00-5:00 pm.
1 unit lab, 3 hours a week, Fri: 7:00-10:00am.
this makes tuesday, uber boring: i have nothing to do from 8:30am - 2:30 pm. and fridays, despite a 7am class, a semiholiday. coz this lab will be all i have for that day.hehehe.
in the lecture...kklase ko si aiza...wehehehe.how cool i that? cors we know aiza...ksma ko sa taiwan. and our lecture prof is Dr (maam) Reano...mommy ni Ian...isa din sa ksma nmn sa taiwan. hahahahah. but i sit besides Howell, a fellow and only other bio major in the class. in the laboratory section, im familiar with noone else.
lastly..
Biology 200-2 - Thesis (the final 2 units of 6)
2 unit consultation with my adviser,(typically) 2 hours a week,(supposedly) Fri: 8-10am.
oh well...since its just consultations (usually takes only 15 minutes or so) regarding my manuscript and the fridays that she usually assigns to us her advisees is conflict with my stat 162 lab...i dunno...i told her about the conflict but i guess that wouldnt be a prob coz i could just drop by her office anytime shes free. Requirements of course would be a good manuscript and defense at the end of this sem. hope i can get a flat 1 for this course. its 6 units and will weigh alot in my final grade.yeah.
ayan 19 units.wehehehehe. its not really much. and i have alot of time to get busy with my ORG, which i plan to be.heheheh.
losing my grip. [8:05 AM]
it occured to me...now wouldnt that be cool.
Here's a recurring dream..thats well bothering. it has a lil of my interpretations in it...comments will be delightful.
leaving you has shattered my heart into a million peices...so small that the pieces can pass through the eye of a needle.
Shame on Me if i can love another...
oh how i wish i had the patience to hold on but no. i fled off chasing the wind, the meaning of true love. I care not of how you felt. my eyes have grown dim on anything else but that distant light - my hope too fill the void created by love's lacking.
and with the wind i fled..chasing that ever glowing light. leaving you in despair.
and where has it taken me? where has the light lead me? bracing myself against the cold air that gushes against my heart as i fled..i follow....i follow...
it has taken me far and high........far from my thoughts of you, high in the heavens with momentarily bliss among angelic hosts. It has lead me to traverse wide across the seas and tread distant shores.
Alas...i wish i held on.
For it ends......here atop a ravine of gloom, the wind dies...a pit of gloom, does the light shine feverishly. And you...you lay there at the bottom. dead.
dead by own acts of selfishness. you lay there where the wind has taken me. You lay there upon the light...true love.
and i fall...
losing my grip. [9:05 AM]
with lack of better things to say, i bid you goodnight.
haay...why is it always like that? am i too paranoid with the feel rejection? guess, its hard when somebody looks you into the eye and say "alam mo..mahirap kng mahalin"
maybe shamcey was right about her idea...to care less about such matters.
should i start caring less about you?
losing my grip. [10:59 AM]
Hope... ;D
losing my grip. [2:15 PM]
the sunrise that marked my last full day in taiwan. picture was taken by me using my ever loyal phone.hehehe.
losing my grip. [2:07 PM]
yesterday, i went to mnla by myself...lol...how cool is that. hahaha, pacncya n mga tao..eh, ako ay isang provincial boy lamang.
so anyways, my intentions really were to fix my ipod shuffle at the apple center in sm megamall, but i decided to ring dear princess shamcey and ask her to spend the whole day with me. prncz 9c is a dear kababata studying archi at UPD that i havnt seen for a year now and i miss being with that tall dalaga...so i did.
oh we had fun.....we met up at around 11am at the powerbooks store. and had a hell of cathcing up with each other. it was funny coz in the apple center, we were so engrossed in our conversation, i didnt realize what they were doing with my ipod until they shoved the a reciept in my hand and toldme to come back in 2 weeks time.lol..."um....are you going to replace my unit?" "yes, we will...it'll be avialable in the next 5 working days or to 2 weeks time depending on the availability of the units from singapore..."
me and shamcey then had lunch at pizzahut, since both of us couldnt really decide where to eat.
then we went mall hopping at ayala. lol, gosh...its my first time to really move about mnla so aun...i finally got to visit the cluster of malls, wc are glorietta, sm (city?), greenbelt and the landmark (was it?). we also got to watch starwars3 at glorietta 4.neat neat. and finally bummed about the green belt park.
as, i said...we had uber fun. guess coz we had lots of stuff to talk about.
losing my grip. [1:36 PM]
haaay...online solitude.
i need this..so i wont be fussing with my blog for awhile.
leaving taiwan does..well...leave an emotional bruise after all...
i miss aiza, ian, abriel and kuya manny.
us.
losing my grip. [9:56 AM]
im tired to care anymore...
but it hurts.
i wish i wasnt..
me........
maybe youd love me more..
that way.
losing my grip. [1:44 PM]
Mama,just killed a man,
Put a gun against his head,
Pulled my trigger,now he’s dead,
Mama,life had just begun,
But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away-
Mama ooo,
Didn’t mean to make you cry-
If I’m not back again this time tomorrow-
Carry on,carry on,as if nothing really matters-
Queen Rocks...
losing my grip. [9:45 AM]
most of all..i MISS MY LIL BRO...dang....wish i could talk to you john...have lots to kwnto..sorry we couldnt catch up on each other during the summer.
losing my grip. [2:25 PM]
i miss my room. isang week nlng...tas mtapos n ANG LAHAT!!!!!! then ill be sleeping in my apartment at elbi, the second best thing to Davao.
losing my grip. [11:07 AM]
My funny valentine
Sweet comic valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable
Unphotographable
Yet you’re my favourite work of art
Is your figure less than greek
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?
But don’t change a hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little valentine stay
Each day is valentine’s day
Is your figure less than greek
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?
But don’t you change one hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little valentine stay
Each day is valentine’s day
Frank Sinatra Blues.
losing my grip. [4:54 PM]
where in the world did this gang of 5 end up last weekend? lol, well..as promised, ito kwnto ko sa trip ko taipei..ito kmi (from left to right): abel, ME, aiza, ian and kuya manny.
taipei is a 6 hour train ride from shang hua, so basically to maximize our 2 day stay in taipei, we decided to take the midnight train out of shanghua....yeah, thats me. the rest of the gang sat in pairs making me the unlucky lonely one. my seatmate wasnt even pretty.lol. so, yeah, at first i thought i wouldnt give a damn coz i thought we'd be sleeping 6 hoursof the way...but hell no - boy was i the unlukiest dude ever. see, above my seat is a leak and it was dripping at my right shoulder...imagine...so i didnt get much of a good shuteye...even sitting up was so umcomfty coz i had to huddle up to one side of the chair - rib pressed down on the armchair, trying not to get wet. well, for the camera...atleast i got to smile...lol
pair: aiza and kuya manny. bummed. its funny though, see aiza was the only girl with us, she always said that she was one of the boys, but she is in everyway not a lesbian.lol. so all of the boys in the gang wanted to sit besides her coz, for one, her cheeks are the most adorable things..lols..and for two its nice to lean on someone that is not a guy.har har...so what the boys dis is we pick lots on who'll get the lucky seat besides aiza. haay kuya manny won, daya...tas i got the unlucky seat. lol.
ayan, ito,pair number two...oh theyd love to be with aiza too but hell khit na wla...buti p sila..they get to sleep while i slave away with wet clothes...hahaha. nkkingit nga..i promised il ride in a better seat on the trip back to taiwan. 
so after 6 hours...it was about 6am, we headed straight to miss tina's, the girl in blue...she ivited us to sleep over at her place tas cya mismo tour guide nmn at...lol..."nbhla" smin when it came to transpo "fames" and food. lol. nice person i know. this pic was another 4 hours later after we had a quick breakfast and a bit more shuteye. 
so the first stop...was taipei 101...currently the guiness world record for the tallest building and fastest elevators. lol, and yeah..we got to the top for 250 NT buck...quite expensive but worth it though. 
yeah...ito un. lol... 
it was fun really, they give us this acoustic guide thingamajig that when we go to windows 1- 20, all we need is to press the corresponding number to hear the what-so about what-so buildings or scenery or mountains.lol. 
but most of the time...we got a bit too senti..lol... 
still at taipei 101... 
after 101, we went to the Chang Kai Shek Memorial Hall...One of the biggest memorial monuments i've ever seen. The stairs to the top were like about a thousand steps high...kidding...just a mere 80++, but hell, at step 60, youd be thinking otherwise. anyways... 
we came just in time for the cahnge of guard...which was really cool coz they showed us these kickass moves...soldierish yet with finisse...swear, i would have thought they were gay especailly when they march-somewhat like a fag crossed with a robot. a video would have been better than a pic... 
but afterwards, they just stood still....boring really...it would have been awesome if they like wore hugh hats and stood for hours like those in teh buck palace...but no...look closely, these cute soldiers even have fans poised at their backs....imagine an hour stand...anyone could do that (and we cant even get near them)...lol. 
oh well in fairness to my man CKS over there...i would have wanted my own memorial hall with them cute soldiers (but i would have prefered babes in wet suits..lol...ryyyttt....) 
we didnt stay long, it was about 6pm...but miss tina wanted us to go to the north most of taipei as so we could maximize our visits in our 2 day stay. we took the TRTS...awesome metro system....oh i heart thee...wish the metro was akin to those back home...*wishful thinkings.*...but oh well, it was a 30 minute ride, i could thing we were able to get(take) seats after some people got off... 
The place was waterside fair...interesting really...with all those fair games, food and the like. I wasnt really in the mood....maybe coz i was tired or coz something i wasnt supposed to feel...but not to worry...i mean, it didnt spoil the rest of my day or anything....ey teka...this shot is malabo... 
yeah..thats better with the flash and the fake smile...lol. 
lol..but eventually i did feel a bit better....especailly after dinner...actually everyone did feel better after dinner. lol... 
after dinner, we went to taipei's hwahsi street..a self acclaimed tourist night market.lol...but really its famous by its other name. Snake alley... 
ay teka...that aint a snake.... 
yeah...snake restos actually...were they serve roasted snake with and beverages of snake blood and bile...yuk. 
lol..but the live snakes were cool... 
heres one end of the 2 block street. funny, ian didnt notice the trash...lol. or did he? 
we had to stay at the market for like an hour and a half coz miss tina was taking a foot massage. so most of the time, we just practically fooled around. 
heres a picture within the alley mismo... 
after the snake alley, we decided to head to miss tina's aprtment to sleep. her apartment was actually a block away from the CKS memorial hall..kuya manny had to take terrible night shots of it. It took us an hour to walk by the CKS coz abel had this really cool british accent. and as we passed by picture exhibits featuring taipei's finest tourist attractions, he was like pretending to be our tour guide. It was really cool. At the aprtment, we didnt go right away to sleep ksi ngkaraoke p kmi...till 3 in the morning. lol....bad thing was, i started getting alot of 80 and below scores. dang. i mean, i couldnt tell if it was the mic at miss tina's house that was broken or the one back at maam engle's place. lol...but the others agreed that it was miss tina's mic that was broken...phew...mahahaha...evil laugh.
The Next Morning...WOW. sarap ng breakfast noh? thats toasted bread, orange jam, spam and egg...then yogurt, fresh milk, and COFFEE! grabeh...sarap tlga ng gcng n un. oh well...i think it was about 10 in the morning. eh sympre, puyat kmi sa videoke kgbi.
ayan....milk and toast. haaay...sarap. pretty faces khit bagong gcng..."bagong fresh..." mwahahaha...
si kuya manny, aiza and ME!
So after breakfast, we decided to visit the National Palace Musuem, pero dumaan ulit kmi sa CKS memorial hall, inorder to take the metro at the CKS station.lol. This dumaan kmi sa basement ng memorial hall where they featured most of CKS stuff...like this sedan..cool, noh?
Heres another pic, pero d na capture ung car...i had better pics sa pone ko pero cant upload them yet..drats.
lol, i forgot...we really got a kick out of 7-11's white umbrellas so all of us bought one for 60NT. ayun..posing with our umbrellas...makes us so chinesee...
another shot from outside the hall...that would be the entrace.
hahaha...sayang n shot. oh well.. this is outside their performing arts center,, we saw this huge poster of a man flying with a sword...."touch of zen"..wla lng...we wanted to try the pose out. hahaha.
Well, finally, dumating kmi sa Museum...they kinda feature alot of artifacts especially jaded items and bronze crafting.
Mr whathisName 6 handed god..lol.
Me in the lime light, lol.....thats baby buddha in the center...we thought he rocked coz he was doing the astig pose. pictures is a so dim coz they dont allow flash...hehehe.
Oh we still love breaking rules..lol. *winks*..note: flash.
For lunch, we had pizza. lol..
i bet everyone thought we were crazy at pizza hut. lol.
:D i love being a foreigner...WE WOULDNT CARE IF YOU DO! lol. see, we didnt really eat at the pizza parlor but decided to take it out. Pero, a few blocks of walking we got really hungry so decided to seat in one of them public benches, underneath the metro rails...something i wouldnt do in the Phil.
romance in teipai...but really, i did notice alot of chinese couples acting uber sweet in public. "Teenagers...Raging Hormones...They never Change (old man Bill, Spiderman)"
well, finally we went to miss tina's office. stayed an hour or two..those green bags are actually loaded with books. Coz miss tina was the infomation officer of some agricultural organization, so basically she gives away publications that are basically taking alot of space in her mini library of journals and reports...hahaha..it was an incredible find...more like a raid. lol.
Heres Aiza featuring our white payongs in the buffet diner where we had our last dinner sa teipai....after this it was home sweet Shan Hua...hehehe.
Ayun..there wasnt much pics in the later part ng trip ksi we ran out of battery..lol. Going home...i was lucky..may katabi na ako, the roof aint leaking and i did get some shuteye. The Train Car also got lonely after sometime so eventually the gang started owning two chairs to sleep on. Damn, i still want to add more pics, from my phone particularly ksi mas mrmi ako nkuha na details dun...hehehe. Haay..yan trip nmn. Msya and worth the money spent.
losing my grip. [12:12 AM]
so here it ends. my fucked up thesis. our fucked up friendship. im dead tired and i dont want to go on, im settling for mediocracy. im settling for just being any normal friend - anquaitance.
im giving up..as much as i have gave up on you. lol..funny. you seat a computer away, and yet...you are but a distant memory, where our friendship was once cherished and fun. like dreams of making one hell of a grand thesis - its just there, almost within my grasp. sigh...but no..fuck fate, fuck destiny, fuck change...
hell, no regrets. i did my part...um...did i? would it be my fault that my amplifications are so crude and smears/contaminants end up everywhere? i tried isolating all possible sources of error, from checking each and every reagent to scrutinizing my techniques...i consulted books and acted like a naive fool in front of my supervisors..but everytime, it just seems to get worse.
minsan iniisip ako ang error. ako mismo. i feel so incompetent and dumb...the way i hate myself for having our friendship slip out of hand, and maybe for not being the friend im suppose to be.
it sucks. the world is filled with fucked up actors...always pretending, always acting...we feel the tension but yet you smile, you play games with me,you tease me, i smile back, i play with you, i tease you back...as if we want things to be normal as if nothing has happened, as if you havnt changed and that i hated you for that. and yet, within the four corners of a candle-lit room, i cry...
oh tears, dont ruin the carpet says my pride, it aint worth it so put urself together. but hell no, deep within me, i know, an emptyness, a void, a blackhole making me cringe and feel fucking sad. i miss us. our friendship and i hate myself for being the reason.
im out...of things to do. there is no hope in making up for things. i have a week left, and its crazy coz i finished all of the reagents sa lab. imagine...naubos ko LAHAT in all the attempts iv tried to amplify that cursed region. ndi ko n mabilang ilng bese ko n try...para makuha ung gusto ko. pero wla. fuck chance...
isang week nlng....wla na nga ako mgwa...paalam kaibigan. paalam tiawan...sayang ung thesis....letche...
losing my grip. [9:15 AM]
newly founded umbrella gang...bleh. talk about taipei later..lol. when i get those other pics.
losing my grip. [10:16 AM]
lol, sorry for such and such..but hey, as my roommates sezs...its natural for man to perverse....lol.
http://quizdiva.com/flavorquiz.html
lol, i have a pineapple-y sexual flavor...
"Sweet, funky, and very persuasive.On the surface, you're the sweetheart everyone wants.And you're able to leverage that sweetness to get your way in bed.So yeah, you tend to lay back and get a lot of tongue baths.And you never have to lift your cute little finger in return." lol...interesting...very interestin
ok...wehehehe...tomorrow,we are going to taipei...prng neexcite ko. i saw zeke's past chinese summer student's report. man oh man...abstract and intro on one page, 2-3 pages for materials and methods, 2-4 pgs for results and discussion...how cool is that? and im like worrying over making 6 (dds) page intro, 6 page RRL, 4 pgs M&M and a hell lot more of Results and Discussion...sheesh. well,atleast, tio some extent the pressures off...but still..ive still have to live up to the standards of being a UP stud.lol..yeah.
oh pretty...im done with a rough intro...i decided to skip RRL for later and im starting to work on my M&M. Zeke is being ultra kind in telling me what dat to show off and what not to.lol. despite the fact that i dont have time to redo the isolates with questionable results iv gotten in the greenhouse, he told me that he would just send the results by email for my thesis. what matters is i get my AVRDC report done..lol.neat. UPLB summer students are also expected to conduct a small seminar. cool cool cool...hope i can get my molecular data before next week ends.
im not going to show any signs of fustration, i wont play your game...curse you luck. lol....living one day at a time...i hope.
losing my grip. [10:34 PM]
She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up,
Till I close my eyes.
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know.
And though she's so far away,
It just keeps getting stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go
Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
'Coz heaven knows.
My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her,
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in timeI'll know she's mine
But tell me,
where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go
Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
'Coz heaven knows
Why I live in despair
'Coz wide awake or dreamin',
I know she's never there
And all the time I act so brave,
I'm shakin' inside
Why does it hurt me so?
Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
'Coz heaven knows.
Heaven knows... Heaven knows .
Price R ick Astig!
losing my grip. [10:17 PM]
let lose...i need you to squeeze my blood vessels tight...
comeon...let lose..
wake me UP!
im being driven crazy by that cursed smear that keeps coming outta of my PCR products...
yes, and wish i had reasons to smile like this...sniffs...
losing my grip. [6:47 PM]
cant go online as much as i want to ...
sad.
uber busy...
losing my grip. [11:03 PM]
Well I guess it would be nice
If I could touch your body
I know not everybody has got a body like me,
but i gotta think twice,
before i give my heart away, a
nd i know all the games you play,
cuz i play them too,
oh but i need some time off from that emotion,
time to pick my heart up off the floor,
but that love comes down without devotion,
well it takes a strong man baby,
but i'm showin' you that door,
i gotta have faith
gotta have faith,
gotta have faith,
gotta have faith!
baby, i know you're askin' me to stay,
say please please please don't go away cuz you're givin' me the blues,
baby, your mind made all the words you say,
can't help but think of yesterday and another who tied me down to the lover boy rules,
before this river becomes an ocean,
before you pick my heart up off the floor,
well that love comes down without devotion,
well it takes a strong man baby,
but i'm showin' you that door,
i gotta have faith
gotta have faith,
gotta have faith,
gotta have faith!
get tha fuck up!!!
i gotta have faith,
i gotta have faith,
i gotta have faith,
i gotta have faith!
faith! ahhhh faith!! ahhhhh!!!!
losing my grip. [10:44 PM]
oh wincall how i love thee...how cool is 45 minutes for 150NT....? especially when you get to talk to just the person you need to make you sane again...hahaay...
oh well hoorah to short posts...well..it is my Ridiculous Ramblings..
hahaha...lakas din trip ko lately..product of my being so MAYABANG...lol.
ito, im conducting this survey you see...
"that do you find most attractive sakin?" lol..
interesting answers:
* malambing
* straight forward, i do what i want, honest and down to earth
* matalino (right...)
* thwang
* pggng confident and mayabang
* sweet and kulit at the same time
* my arms...???
losing my grip. [11:00 PM]
for holding you to long,
when will i let you go?
3 weeks countdown....8 hours in the greenhouse of data gathering...waah....nearly done. but the LAB is killing me. btw... i saw the ipod shuffle....wehehehe...might just be buying that before going home. going to taipei at the end of this week...its a 6 hour trip by train...lol.
losing my grip. [6:13 PM]
Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted - One momentWould you capture it or just let it slip? His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghettiHe's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud He opens his mouth, but the words won't come outHe's chokin, how everybody's jokin nowThe clock's run out, time's up over, bloah!Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravityOh, there goes Rabbit, he chokedHe's so mad, but he won't give up thatEasy, noHe won't have it , he knows his whole back's to these ropesIt don't matter, he's dopeHe knows that, but he's brokeHe's so stacked that he knows When he goes back to his mobile home, that's when it'sBack to the lab again yoThis whole rap shitHe better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him
[Hook:]You better lose yourself in the music, the moment You own it, you better never let it go You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo
The soul's escaping, through this hole that it's gapingThis world is mine for the takingMake me king, as we move toward a, new world order A normal life is borin, but superstardom's close to post mortemIt only grows harder, only grows hotter He blows us all over these hoes is all on himCoast to coast shows, he's know as the globetrotterLonely roads, God only knowsHe's grown farther from home, he's no fatherHe goes home and barely knows his own daughterBut hold your nose cuz here goes the cold water His hoes don't want him no mo, he's cold product They moved on to the next schmoe who flowsHe nose dove and sold nadaSo the soap opera is told and unfoldsI suppose it's old partna', but the beat goes onDa da dum da dum da da
[Hook]
No more games, I'ma change what you call rage Tear this mothafuckin roof off like 2 dogs caged I was playin in the beginnin, the mood all changed I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage But I kept rhymin and stepwritin the next cypher Best believe somebody's payin the pied piperAll the pain inside amplified by the fact That I can't get by with my 9 to 5 And I can't provide the right type of life for my family Cuz man, these goddam food stamps don't buy diapers And it's no movie, there's no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life And these times are so hard and it's getting even harder Tryin to feed and water my seed, plus See dishonor caught up between being a father and a prima donna Baby mama drama's screamin on and Too much for me to wanna Stay in one spot, another day of monotony Has gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail I've got to formulate a plot fore I end up in jail or shot Success is my only mothafuckin option, failure's not Mom, I love you, but this trailer's got to go I cannot grow old in Salem's lot So here I go is my shot.Feet fail me not cuz maybe the only opportunity that I got
[Hook]
You can do anything you set your mind to, man
losing my grip. [6:11 PM]
im all fixated over lemon ice tea...i want lemon ice tea....waah...its getting rather hot here now...but the pool is great...
phew. im at another standstill. just watching time go wasting by, as my thesis sits, slowly revealing its ultimate plan: that i shall suffer in my last 2-3 weeks stay in taiwan...damn it. ive done 7 amplification attempts: and either of these bad results occur: no amplification bands, contaminated tubes, and insufficient amplified DNA...waah...when will i ever get to the bulk of my thesis.
btw...they disconnected my internet line for my pc in the office...damn, all of a sudden waiting for 30 minutes is a really really long time...hahaha. and twytwy cant keep me company anymore..huhuhu. apparantly my pc is spreading viruses all over the lan....haay...quite embarassing really...and also explains why my ofic pc is acting dumb....
its 2pm..really hot to go outside or do anything. maybe when the sun gets a bit lower il do my daily pool laps....wehehehe...its so relaxing when you just swim swim swim....i get to think clearly...about stuff...
miss my brother, dad and mom...miss alot of people too.
losing my grip. [1:48 PM]
you'll never believe what happened...just when i put one months effort into my previous blog skin...it gets erased..haay...by accident...bad trip tlga. ksi...i was working on two blog templates at the same time: multitasking..naks.. but alas, i eventually got confused and changed my RID RAMS template..
haay..so aun...searched blogskins again and got this skin...it isnt so bad and i adjusted a few things here and there...and its ok. but not as much as my previous skin, considering how much effort exerted..huhuhu.
hope you'll find this one better...
im on my 5th attempt to amplify the IGS region which im working on...not that im fustrated anymore or anything...just anxious coz i cant wait to work on them. sadly, 2 of my 30 isolates still wont cooperate, so ive analysed every possible systematic or human error that may have occured...good thing, im zeroing on to the prob....tomorrow, il get it!
AVRDC network's firewall sucks...i cant believe they allow me to play flash games, blog, chat but not get into Y!MAIL...grabeh..and i need to send important emails...damn. oh well, i check tomorrow...
btw...reminded you guys to take my survey...its just 2 posts down..its nice knowing what you guys know..lol. and brings back lots of memories...esp with people i dont get to see everyday...MISS YOU GUYS!
im pissed with my motorola E398 USB modem...argh...damn, hardware....oh well....i want to upload the pics on my phone..its getting crowded..lol 10 MB worth of it...and itl be neat if i post pics...
i plan to buy the bluetooth thingamajig for uploading...i hope its damn cheap here...
oh well..its late...and I'm.....
losing my grip. [11:20 PM]
spent the whole day with blogger, but on this blog...lol.
just for keeps...
http://twytwy-jayjay.blogspot.com
its still under major construction..
lol...
day went well, coz i wasnt doing much in the lab....
swan laps din...saya...nka 25 n ako. bukas ulit bka mga 30 laps na.
losing my grip. [9:30 PM]
SURVEY WITH A TWIST! YOU fill in the blanksabout ME and send it back To me, but first send ablank one out to all your friends so they can returnthe favor to you. Be honest - or just be as funny asyou can, they're really cool to get back, you mightfind out something you had never realized before.It only takes a few minutes... 1st-send this survey to everyone you know to see how well they knowyou... 2nd-fill this survey out about the person whosent it to you and send back to them...
1. My name:
2. Where did we meet?:
3. Take a stab at my middle name:
4. How long have you known me?:
5. How well do you know me?:
6. Do I smoke?:
7. Do I believe in God?:
8. When you first saw me what was yourimpression?:
9. My age:
10. Birthday:
11. Color hair:
12. Eye color:
13. Do I have any siblings?:
14. Have you ever had a crush on me?:
15. What's one of my favorite things to do?:
16. Do you remember one of the 1st things I saidto you?:
17. What's my favorite type of music?:
18. What is the best feature about me?:
19. Am I shy or outgoing?:
20. Would you say I am funny?:
21. Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules?:
22. Any special talents?:
23. Would you consider me a friend?:
24. Would you call me preppy, slutty, a homie,average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy,snobby, raver, or rocker something else?:
25. Have you ever seen me cry?:
26. If there was one good nickname for me, whatwould it be?:
27. Are my parents still together?:
28. What do I love? (pretty general, huh?!):
29. What is my best accomplishment?
30. Do I do drugs?
31. Have I ever been there for you?
32. Am I smart?
33. Conservative or liberal?
34. Name one way I've made an impact on yourlife.
35. Who do you think I'll marry?
36. What is your favorite thing to do with me?
37. Have I ever told you I liked you?:
38. Have I ever been in love?:
39. When was the last time we spent timetogether?
40. If, in one hour, I'll be gone forever... whatwill beyour last words for me?:
just answer in the comments below...
losing my grip. [12:36 AM]
im all freaked by that cup of coffee i personally grind and brewed to my extreme satisfaction..well, quite necessay after sleeping 3 am earlier this morning. lol..and youd never guess what the gang (well only kaye was missing..but she was busy with stuff) was doing..VIDEOKE! yeah...
oh well, i had a kick out of it...we were using that magic mic thing...so there wasnt much of contemporary songs to sing but hell..the classics... right here waiting, open arms, close to you, oh carol, rhythm of the falling rain, can you feel the love tonight, crazy for you, thats what friends are for (manny had to cry here...), rain drops keep falling on your head, kahit kailan, against all odds, how deep is your love..etc etc...i sang alot...and got no score below 91..lol. my highest was a 98..woot...w/c was the top for the night...lol.
oh well..we slept at 3am...at kuya manny's...the usual....everyone huddled on the floor, enjoying the cold cool night (aircon ksi)..hehehe
so anyways, results came out...quite crude as my inexperience dictates it to be..alas, i haev to repeat everything again...but technically im done..just that the results are not good enough so i have to add a few more variables here and there..oh well, I am enjoying this..
OMG...ive been in taiwan for a month na...wehehehe.. and saya pero the days are counting down..gulp.. i should start concentrating on my report...
geez...my head is spinning already..spent a couple of hours here looking for stuff for my blog..hehehe...
all be out in a moment..and maybe swim..
sad, twy twy..u didnt go online... : ( was wanting to doodle with you...
losing my grip. [10:59 AM]
Ikaw na ang may sabi,
na akoy mahal mo rin
At sinabi mo, ang pag-ibig moy di magbabago
Ngunit bakit? sa tuwing akoy lumalapit
ika'y lumalayo
Puso'y laging nasasaktan
pag may kasama kang iba.
Di ba nila alam
Tayo'y nagsumpaan
Na ako'y sayo at ikaw akin lamang.
Kahit anong mangyari,
pag-ibig ko'y sayo pa rin
At kahit ano pa, ang sabihin nila'y ikaw pa rin
Ang mahal, maghihintay ako kahit kailan
Kahit na, umabot man ako'y nasa langit na
At kung di ka makita
Makikiusap kay bathala
Na ikay hanapin, at sabihin
Ipaalala sa iyo ang nakalimutang sumpaan
Na ako'y sa'yo at ika'y akin lamang
Umasa kang maghihintay kahit kailanKahit na,
umabot man ako'y nasa langit na
At kung di ka makita
Makikiusap kay bathala
Na ikay hanapin, at sabihin
Ipaalala sa iyo ang nakalimutang sumpaan
Na ako'y sa'yo at ika'y akin lamang
I - Axe...astig!
again at the pc room, when will we ever get bored...
the gang is planing to go taipai around the 2nd weekend of may..oh that will be exciting...oh yes, and more good news..i finally, finally, OMG...finally, made good results in that fustrating expt i repeated 4 times. so now im able to go to the next step in conducting my thesis..however, any bad results would, sadly, lead doing everything again...sheesh...
oh shucks,ill know by tomorrow am or, on second thoughts, by the end of day...
oh btw...iv found the perfect past time..so im sitting in front of the computer where the gang usually lets it play music or whatever...so what ill do is choose the music that most of the gang likes...place the gang in conference on YM...and whatever music plays i send the lyrics...
lol...the pc room is turning into one hell of a KTV lounge.. :D
oh yeah...according to kaye, "No...not Constantine...theres no essence in watching AI anymore"
manny: "apparantly Americans lack taste..." and im like..
"YES! CSI...i get to watch my CSI!!!"
losing my grip. [10:25 PM]
yada yada ydad
and i was having this pleasant chat with twy twy...especially about the possibilities of where i might be going after i graduate...where i plan to take my MD or masters....when the computer had to boot on me...stupid ofic pc.
oh well, after waiting for 30 minutes to have AIM get back online, w/c didnt...i decided to transfer my sorry ass to the computer room. and it was crzy coz suddenly i felt so worried about career and all. i was always happy-go-lucky with whatever opportunities that presents itself and i realized that iv never actually "tried" to scout for scholarships, medical schools, or financial aids or rather look for such opportunities (lucky me, i ended up in taiwan..lol). I guess i was just getting to comfty with the confident idea that ill land at UP Mnla, and thats good enough.
so for the next 2 hours or so..i went university hunting..looked at websites, infos on the school, location, admissions, curriculum, possible scholarships and financial aids. Haay...so much to consider. Oh well, currently im looking at the top 3 med skuls in the states. One of which, twy twy is in...huraay, for her school...
well, before the pc went boot earlier, twy twy and i were actually talking about the cooleness of it all if we went to the same university...lol...oh dear...imagine the chaos. lol...with the fusion of our dark forces..*shudders*...
so, in all my excitement, i sent dadi another long update email with whats been going on here at AVRDC and about my thesis along with a dozen links linking him to ebaums world, newgrounds..joke...
to the schools i mean, including the American Medical Colleges Admissions System-a-jig with the MCAT...watever..and pretty much how i feel, and what ive looked up...
oh well, i have still a whole year to plan this out..
weepee...all this options is having me riled up...
btw, Chicken, we should seriously talk about this matter..youve been neglecting me too long.lol..
miss you chick, josh, and k.myk...guys, get on YM already....im like online the whole morning to the next morning and i still dont get to chat with you guys...
about my thesis, waaah...damn PCR Amplifications! this is my fourth attempt to magnify the amounts of IGS segment of ribosomal DNA. Zeke said it might have been the Taq polymerase...said that i should double the amounts next time i makea mix...sheesh...this better be right..
let tomorrow be my lucky day..i havnt even started my genetic diversity analysis and i only have 4 weeks left...I NEED THAT PCR PRODUCT!
Oh well its 8pm..and OMG...CSI. you wouldnt believe that AXN-taiwan has CSI on everynight...neat right?
losing my grip. [7:46 PM]
Happy BDAY
Abriel HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! wehehehe....di k n teen. lol. bkit k msydong mabait, ndi n dpat....matanda k na...buksan mo n mata mo...mwahahaha...
hahaha, hell no..
Abriel, sna ul be really really happy....
especially sa thesis...
mhhnap mo din un - si labs?..oo mhhnap mo un..
you wouldnt wait in vain...lol.
God bless in every endeavor, sna hngn kailn..mggng mabait k prin.
Abriel, isang tunay n Angel.....
losing my grip. [12:11 AM]
Waah..works killing me.
just got out of overtime. man, im not getting the results i should be getting...huhuhuhu...just finished with my 3rd attempt to successfully amplify the rDNA region, i hope all goes well..im not even halfway in this expt. Yesterday, was so busy at the green house...the whole day, i was counting 3000 seedlings, making 90 labels, preparing 30 "fungi smoothie" (where each time i had to wash the blender, so i washed the blender 30 freaking times!!!!), and then dipped each 3000 seedling, into the 30smoothies and replant them...lol. That last part took the whole afternoon, but i hadd 7 other research asst, greenhouse personnel and Zeke to help me out.
I guess after the basketball game last night, i was too tired to wake up any earlier..Oh well, i plan to sleep early tonight...hence this early post.
its silly, but have you guys ever felt being avoided...those downcast eyes, quick turnabouts, extremely quiet behavior...etc etc...its really irritating when the opposite party is so obvious and the reason for such is SO LAME. oh well..yada yada (translation: rant and ramble)...people get so pathethic sometimes...
money btw, is becoming so hard to handle...like all of a sudden this week, money just keep disappearing...i have no idea, what im spending it on...and, oh yeah..one more thing, iv also noticed that im quite lavish on food but thats accounted for...lol...hey, i cant help it ...but considering that im on a tight budget (= saving lots of money for pasalubong....hahaay..mga pinoy tlga...)...hmmm...
this is basically how i feel right now...lol.
"adik sa 'yo"
awit sa akin
nilang sawa na sa aking mga kuwentong marathon
tungkol sa 'yo
at sa ligayang
iyong hatid sa aking buhay
tuloy ang bida sa isipan ko'y ikaw
~sa umaga't sa gabisa
bawa't minutong lumilipas
hinahanap-hanap kita
hinahanap-hanap kita
sa isip at panaginip
bawa't pagpihit ng tadhana
hinahanap-hanap kita
sabik sa 'yo
kahit maghapon
na tayong magkasama parang telesine
ang ating ending
hatid sa bahay n'yo
sabay goodnight, sabay may kiss
sabay bye-bye
repeat ~
sa school sa flag ceremony
hanggang uwian araw-araw
hinahanap-hanap kita
hinahanap-hanap kita
at kahit na magka-anak kayo't
magkatuluyan balang araw
hahanap-hanapin kahahanap-hanapin ka
Rico Rocks.
losing my grip. [6:11 PM]
Bad Start...
well, it would be pathethic if i wrote everything again..
this will suffice...lol.
monsieurUnknown: it was raining outside and it had me fooled..
losing my grip. [11:09 AM]
heres a thought:
why dont i get some rest?
its 1 in the morning already...
JAY SLEEP! go sleep na..
waah...
ok ok..
so im singing right...
milk and cereals...
milk and cereals..
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/milkandcereal.html
then the gang would go..
"the numa numa song"..
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/numanuma.html
ahhhhhhh...twy twy...why did you ever introduce me to these sites.
lol..
oh well...
do get a kick out of this.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/endofworld.html
well, seems the gang stills here..
singing rnb and our hearts out..
in the computer room
here in the admissions building..
its 1 in the morning!!!!!
losing my grip. [1:00 AM]
I HATE YOU! if dont even want to care anymore..i have more important people to be concerned about...
I HATE YOU! why is it so hard to show you care, that in words - i speak what every friend would...painful and frank but in the end, its your happiness i want to ensure..
I HATE YOU! for making me care, for allowing me to care and for not allowing me to when you needed it the most..
I HATE YOU! why did i have to develop a sense of concern, attachment. brotherly love, kuyaly love..whatever..
I HATE YOU! for making me stay up at night, wondering hell, where have you been..
I HATE YOU! for making me drink too much, just so i could watch you..when i should have been sleeping..
I HATE YOU! that night, when i called, waited at the game room, knocked at your day, slept at your door, heard you crying and freaking CARED!
I HATE YOU! i acted like a fool, and you played along with it...I CARE TOO MUCH, fuck...
I HATE YOU! for caring so much, its not uncalled for...im nobody, just a friend.
I HATE YOU! for the being one of the reasons for my long hot sad showers
I HATE YOU! you werent even deserving...
I HATE YOU! but as a close friend you are
I HATE YOU! for causing chaos within, confusion, uncertaintity..
I HATE YOU! coz you play with fire and i was never there..you never needed me
I HATE YOU! when thinking you think you can handle it, but fuck why am i the collateral damage.
I HATE YOU! when you cried when i askd if you love HIM.
I HATE YOU! that you werent sure..
I HATE YOU! that you love...for the wrong the reasons.
I HATE YOU! you made me bother, for making me a part of this, a part of you..
I HATE YOU! when you'r gone away,happy most probably, dwelling in the excitedness of adventure and love. and never cared how i felt, worried...
I HATE YOU! for making me feel this way..
I HATE YOU! for allowing it so...
I HATE YOU! coz you thought i didnt LOVE YOU..............
and that i CARED so much.....
losing my grip. [10:46 AM]
man, i feel good..
after leaving work earlier, i got to sget one good NAP..
well, im back online expecting someone online...sad an hours wait..and i doubt shes coming online.
but oh well, caught dan online...he was hiding though..lolz..but he dropped a line.
so we were chatting when he said if i was disappointed?
monsieur_unknown: i guess you can only love a person when you know her tlga..
monsieur_unknown: i mean in my case, the fact that she had me wait online doesnt get me disaapointed..
monsieur_unknown: cors everyone has their own set of flaws..
monsieur_unknown: when you love a person, you must have recognized those flaws already and accepted them..
dan : yeah
dan : i got that
dan : but i havent experience real love
monsieur_unknown: it really depends if you really really like a girl..
dan : nahh
dan : all the girls in sku are slutty
monsieur_unknown: if you easily get disappointed or atleast get disappointed then you dont like the girl at all..
monsieur_unknown: hahahaa..
dan : and the one who arent are just not my type
dan : except some
monsieur_unknown: well...maybe an international community aint the right place..
monsieur_unknown: Philippines is crawling with un-attended babes..
monsieur_unknown: lol..
monsieur_unknown: kidding..
monsieur_unknown: but youd rarely find someone slutty..
monsieur_unknown: back in the phil..
losing my grip. [6:59 PM]
my room was still a mess, clothes scattered here and there, misplaced chairs, an upturned readers digest, my burmese bag on the floor and papers, results, a spoon and a cup all splurged on the table...
a small ray of light peaks in through the curtains i never fail to close at night while clothes spill out of never closed closets..ah...the stench of my room, what better way to wake up..
its easy to shake my boxers off and run naked to the CR, forgetting my towel...yeah, i knew was late and the rumbling in my tummy tells me that it is going to be one hard morning, i missed breakfast. Oh well, theres plenty of work to do in the lab and for the past 4 days, thats all ive been doing, day in, day out..thesis thesis thesis...
This is how it is, my daily rountine. Well, i wake up usually the earliest among the 6 other people who i share my hectic life here at AVRDC, after a long hot shower, id race to Dr. Engle's Residence, the kind Dr. E who ive told you about that lends us her kitchen, dining table, ref and everything in it (well, of course we do the cooking and the dishing..while she, as easy as she is pleased, compliments every dish prepared...)...At Dr. E's, breakfast is usually bread, butter, grape/blueberry jam (or whatever jam we'd find in the ref) and Coffee..that would be about 7am, and work is just 45 minutes away...by the time, i arranged the table, filled the kettle and had her whisting, the others would be drying them sleepy asses and putting on some decent clothes...well, i cant blame them, who wouldnt after sleeping at 1am or 2am....so when everythings set... i call in the manner like so...
dial 880, "aiza, pnta k n d2...kumain k na" "d p ako nka ligo" "ok lng yan, kmi din...bilis pnta k n d2 huh"...
dial 879, "kat!...pnta k n d2, breakfast is done...bilis" "ok im putting on my clothes now..."
dial 878, "hoy babae ka, where were you last night?...kumain k n d2..." "kkgcng ko lng, d p ako nkligo" "eh so? kmi din eh, bsta pnta k n d2 and eat, mia, ha?...bilis bilis..."
dial 877 "Abriel....i thot i knew you, once again, you used me...oi...lets eat..." "ha! ndi p ako nkligo..." "ok lng yan, ako din eh...bsta pnta k n d2, kaw nlng kulang..."
dial 875 ring...ring...ring...ring "Wei? kantin..." *drops reciever.....
dial 882 "hoy manne...gcing na!" "eh tntmad ako.." "cge na..you have to eat...icge na..bagon n" "cge, prepare kau ng coffee" "ang kapal ng mukha mo...bhla k..wag k n pumnta d2!!!" *drops reciever*
pone rings "Nei How Mah?" "hoy jasper...kapal din ng mukha mo!" "Wei?"
well, today morning, i didnt have breakfast...sad. real sad...
at work, first thing i do is place my bag on my table and switch my computer on..
then i walk into the lab and do work..
at breaks, when the automated part of my experiments gives me the chance to come back to my office and wait, say, 15-30 minutes, id seat in front of the computer, w/c automatically logs in on YM, AIM, Chikka, and checks mail upon boot...and chat, check email...chat, reply email, friendster..blog, if the timed 30 minutes hasnt set off the timer's alarm.
before i know it, its luch break...11:30...by that time, its either i send to every one in my AVRDC group in my YM, "lets eat" or someone drops a lines and sezs "kain tau..."...
well, i was hungry..
and i couldnt resist telling the chinese dude to keep on adding more rice...4 cups i guess, so it was a really huge pile...Ian couldnt stop laughing. When the dude gave it to the chinese gal next to him, the one who'd place the ulam..she went "whaaat?" extremely shocked at how much a thin guy like me can take on....guttony b un?
oh well, i pointed at the tempting chicken curry then i pointed to another dish that was just as tempting..i was wanting to get some macaronni...pero nhiya ako...sobrng loaded ang plato ko..prng buffet. oh well...58 NT.
by the time i finished, i was really really full..,.sbi ko sa sarili ko, grabeh..if i keep this up....ttba tlga ako...
it was amazing i got to walk 100 yards to the lab despite my full full stomach..lol. oh well...
by now youd think im halfway through...hahaha...hell no...
but well as of this post. it ends here...it 4pm, and amazingly i have no more work for the day. WEll, actually i have to come back to the lab at 7pm...but thats still 3 hours away and i think i want some shuteye...im still full from lunch..lol.
losing my grip. [3:31 PM]
